Thank you Gabriel

Years ago when I was in a bad relationship, things would get so chaotic and there would be so much yelling and verbal abuse that at some point I lost some of my ability to react and have emotions for certain things. It got to the point one evening he was yelling at me so loud and belittling me, my sister had called the police. That was the first and only time I had an officer talk to me about domestic violence and asked if I was a victim of that. Gave me a domestic violence card with contact info and were on their way. There were many times I was yelled at, lied to, even had money stolen from me. Watched him fade away because of drug use. I could go on and on. All of it lead to me just feeling blank. The chaos became my normal. I have found that in relationships since then there’s certain ways I can’t open up, and I don’t have an emotional response. I’ve always been a quiet person but never emotionless.

Last night I finished watching The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez. I wanted to turn it off, and honestly I did have to take breaks as it was so much to process. But I kept watching and finished it. We can’t ignore the fact that these disgusting things are happening to children on a daily basis, sometimes in our own neighborhoods and communities. We can’t ignore the fact that this sweet little boy was failed by so many people, all the ones that were supposed to keep him safe. I feel the same with George Floyd. Law Enforcement Officers are supposed to be a symbol of safety, we should be able to trust them all. I have NEVER experienced feeling unsafe with police officers, I have never had to feel like I might die or get shot if I get pulled over by a police officer. It breaks my heart and makes me angry that the African American community have to worry about that on a daily basis. I am a person that loves and feels for the most vulnerable in our society. I work with adults with many different disabilities and have for years. I have seen the bullying, I have heard the snide comments said directly to different individuals I have served. I have read about the abuse, mistreatment throughout their lives. I have not experienced nearly the amount of abuse and mistreatment as little Gabriel Fernandez, never was my life threatened by law enforcement which murdered George Floyd. I have experienced bullying done to me as a young child, never to the extent some of the individuals I have worked with. I have never experienced abuse at the hands of my parents or people I trust. I’ve had just enough pain and verbal abuse to know how painful it is, and if I can at all feel and relate to these people I’ve mentioned, it helps even more to feel outrage, sadness and just feel disgusted with how our fellow HUMANS are getting treated. I titled this thank you Gabriel because there are many times I feel emotionless and not sure how to react. I am so sorry little Gabriel that you were so hurt and the people that were supposed to keep you safe did not. I am so sorry George Floyd that those officers not only didn’t keep you safe but murdered you. I am so sorry to my clients past and present that experience injustice and inequality on a daily basis. Your life was not meaningless, it did and does have an impact now! It sparks emotions in me I forgot I had. It’s forcing people to talk about these things and more importantly DO SOMETHING about it. After all we’re all just human. Trying to make it in this world. Why does it have to be so hard for some? Thank you Gabriel for your life, thank you George Floyd. Your lives were not meaningless, and I pray somehow you know that, and can feel the amount of love so many people feel for you now.