I suffer in Silence

A tear will not be seen on my face, a cry will not be heard from my mouth. I sit here alone and watch people walk by, drive by. Walking their dogs, jogging. I sometimes crave my alone time, sometimes I crave business and interaction. In the shower I cry, my tears run down the drain. You will not see my tears unless I want you to see them. You will not hear me cry unless I’m just too overwhelmed and I trust you enough to show that to you. My mind is so loud yet the words of how I’m feeling rarely get uttered. I sing and scream in my car. Whatever music fits my mood at the time.

I want to overcome this person inside me that is afraid to be vulnerable and open. Spoken word has always been more terrifying, but written word is a language I love to convey and take in. My spoken word is sometimes disappointing and falls short and flat. My words on paper however feel powerful. I walk through life with a smile on my face and love in my heart, but I suffer in silence. My greatest enemy is my mind when I’m alone. Don’t expect me to come out and tell you I’m sitting here in misery. I won’t shoot you a text or call to say I feel like I’m trapped and can’t move. I will not reveal that I feel insane and alone. Check on me.

I disappear and somehow end up here. You might have to come find me. Please come find me. I will always come out of this silent hell but you might have to help me up. I hate putting that on you. But that’s how I see it sometimes, as a burden to those I love.

I suffer in silence. You might have to come find me.